Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Insta-bollocks part 2

So it would seem you folks liked my last Insta-bollocks post, where I posted 'the truth behind the Instagram' for some of my pictures. Since then I started using the #instagramhonesty hashtag to post the odd pic that shows the real situation. Like these two beauties:

Waking up



Moving random piles of crap around my room while taking blog photos (you know you do it too).


And without further ado, here is my latest instalment of #instagramhonesty.


How it looks: Newly engaged! Going ring shopping! Yay! Best day eveeeeeerrrrrr!!!!

The reality: Grey streak, grey streak, grey streak, grey streak. Holy crap I'm getting OLD.


How it looks: Hey there blog readers, I'm Splodge, Sally's adorable feline companion. I'm just gonna roll on over so you can tickle my belly. Aren't I cute? Prrrr. Hmmm? Cute. Soooo cute.

The reality: I just threw up all over your cream carpet. Now feed me, beeyatch.


How it looks: It's vote day! Have you done your civic duty? I have. Look at me being a responsible grown up. And because I voted I'm marginally higher on the moral high ground than all you non-voters. Just sayin'.

The reality: I barely made it on time to the polling booth and have no idea who to vote for so I vote Green. Never heard of the bloke. Ah well. At least now I've voted I have the right to complain about my #firstworldproblems.


How it looks: I'm a fully-fledged green-fingered goddess, wielding my spade in pure potato-planting victory. I'm also a model daughter who helps her mam without question.

The reality: Frank did most of the hard work while I took photos, making him pause sporadically while on digging duty for cleverly-orchestrated gardening action shots. My mum is brandishing a tape measure to check the rows are evenly spaced (no joke), berating us when they're not quite even. Frank sighs. A lot.


How it looks: Ok, ok, ok, so I know it's a teeny bit cheesy but come on. It's raining, it's miserable (it is after all England), but why wish for the sun to shine when you can shine instead? Inspired.

The reality: This sign was positioned on the wall of a grotty pub toilet. Wet floors, no loo roll, stinking, unmentionables in the toilet bowl, a clogged and overflowing sink. I leave the bathroom and apply vast quantities of hand sanitiser. Ick.


How it looks: I'm in Cornwall and I'm posting pictures of... wait for it.... seafood! We're in Rick Stein's deli. It's fresh, it's organic, it's artisan. I belong here.

The reality: RAMMED. Woman screaming at her child, punters arguing, ludicrous prices, tourists everywhere. I last 30 seconds (long enough to take this photo) and escape.

I'd love to see your #instagramhonesty! You can find me here.
sally

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4 comments :

  1. This was so funny! Really made me think about A. How I make my life look through my photos and B. You can't tell how lovely some one elses life is just by their instagram! This is such a good idea for a post and I hope you do another one!
    www.goodgirlgonebrum.co.uk

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  2. Yes! Love these! Just about all of mine would be:

    How it looks: Here is my cute child doing a cute thing. Isn't motherhood dreamy?!
    Reality: I had to take 20 photos before he smiled/looked at the camera, then he burst into tears and simultaneously crapped himself. Also he kept me up all night. Motherhood is completely unglamorous, but I take cute photos of my kid so that when I'm up late at night I can look at the pictures and pretend :P

    Haha, okay, not quite that bad... but sometimes... :)

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  3. This is such a good series you started :D Those crabs are...omg. But the thing about crabs is they're a lot of work. But still delicious.

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  4. So many people seem to be going for the "look how perfect my IG life is" thing lately and it's so annoying.

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